Fight, Flight and Love
by Normal-is2faraway
Summary: Set during season 4. Post New York, Emily deals with her unrequited feelings for JJ but with Carrie Ortiz in town looking for a place to stay and a mentor who understands, she doesn't have much time to brood. JEmily
1. Mess

**In case you guys don't remember, Carrie Ortiz was from 3x04 "Children of the Dark." Emily wanted to take her in but Carrie's relatives got in touch with the authorities.**

Chapter 1 – Mess

* * *

"_I hate the day, because it lendeth light_

_To see all things, but not my love to see._"

- Edmund Spenser

* * *

Emily Prentiss scrutinized the scene before her. She eyed every nook, every paper out of place and every stain. It was a mess. A bloodbath. She mourned the veritable crime scene. How could she let things get this far?

Oh, yeah. She hates paperwork. And when her head gets wind of hated activities, it works to put it off till the last minute.

Now there was this.

Piles of folders and files lay waiting on her desk, an endless landscape that transformed the tabletop to the paperwork mountain from hell accompanied by the broken pen and blotted ink stains that puddled around as Emily tried to clear its black liquidity path.

The New York fiasco hit the whole team. So much violence, so much death. It wasn't anything new for them but that didn't make them any less vulnerable. One of their own was killed. Well, not anyone from their team but still. Kate was an incredible agent. Emily had heard some stories of her exploits while in Europe but thankfully, considering her occupation at the time, they had never crossed paths.

Even scarier still was the knowledge that it could have easily been one of them getting blown to smithereens. It could have been JJ.

The BAU was allowed some time off while Hotch got himself checked out but Prentiss underestimated how much casework she left behind in order to help deal with the mayhem in the Big Apple. She drew out a breath and looked away from the scene, needing a break before even beginning to think about sorting through the mess.

She looked over to Hotch's empty office, a wave of sympathy hitting her at the thought of the team leader's loss and injury. It was a lot for anybody to handle but she couldn't help the selfish longing for his return to the office. He was their leader and they were a family. The closest family she's ever had. The BAU and the jet were more of a home than the empty and Spartan dressed place she only really occupied when she was ready to sleep or when Sergio needed company.

Speaking of family, Emily allowed herself a glance at JJ's office. One glance. She could see the team's media liaison speaking animatedly on her cell phone. The profiling was automatic and she couldn't stop the body language analysis even after she realized it was happening. Based on her anxious state, a mix of excitement and nerves, Emily deduced that JJ was talking about the pregnancy with Will. A pang hit Prentiss in the gut. She thought it through logically and wanted to believe it was all just lingering guilt and loss from her sophomore year in high school.

That wasn't all it was though. Beyond the first pang that led Emily to instinctively reach for her abdominal area, there was one that followed that deeply affected her heart. Emily stubbornly refused to admit what it meant. She wouldn't. JJ has a child on the way. She has a boyfriend that Emily pushed her to admit she had because she knew JJ was dying to tell them.

Why did she always do this to herself?

Oh yeah, she was being a good friend. Emily frowned - or she was being a masochist.

She stood up, attempting to step out for some air but could not resist looking back into JJ's office. The breathtakingly beautiful mother-to-be was smiling widely as she conversed on the phone and was holding her abdomen with maternal warmth.

Emily's lips quirked up in response before she realized it and once she did, she sighed resignedly.

Masochist. Definitely.

She shook her head as if the physical action could actually help shake the thoughts and feelings that had risen. Snatching her blazer from its place on her chair, Emily raced out of the office, the air suddenly getting too suffocating to stay another minute.

"Emily?" Reid questioned but Emily didn't hear him over the thoughts running in her head.

Reid looked on at Emily's exit in contemplation before shrugging and walking back to his desk.

"Hey, Reid." Morgan greeted as the younger man sat down. Noticing Reid's distracted face, he questioned him. "What's got your gears turning?"

"Hmm?" Reid shook his head before answering. "Nothing, uh I just saw Emily leaving in a hurry when I was coming in."

Morgan's forehead creased in worry, "Something wrong?"

"I don't know. Based on her body language, there might be something wrong."

"Couldn't it just be stress?" Morgan looked over to his partner's desk, "I mean, have you seen her desk?"

"Perhaps. But Emily has been able to compartmentalize."

"So something's bugging Prentiss." The profiler surmised, "I doubt it's a boyfriend, no boy could shake the Princess. I wonder what's up with her?"

"_What's_ wrong with Em?"

Both Reid and Morgan stopped at JJ's sudden appearance. The blonde looked between them worriedly. Emily was fine this morning.

"I was just saying that Emily looked… agitated. Seeing that there hasn't been much going on here, I thought something might be wrong."

"Where is she?"

"She just stepped outside." Reid answered.

"I'm sure everything's fine." Morgan said reassuringly, trying to calm their liaison, "You know how Prentiss could be sometimes. She's an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, all covered by a block of ice sometimes."

"Or she could be suffering in silence. You know how Emily can be." JJ countered as she fixed a deadly glare at Morgan for his frost comment. "I'll just go check on her because obviously you_ boys_ aren't all that concerned!"

Morgan watched after JJ and as soon as she got on the elevator, he turned to Reid, "Woah, Mama Bear's all up in that already. Think it's the baby hormones?"

"I don't know if it's a maternal thing," Reid mused, "She never held her hand to her abdomen while we were talking about Emily but then again, what you call baby hormones are really her body's way of getting ready for the baby… the rise of HGC or Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, progesterone and oestrogen levels have varying effects on mothers-to-be."

Morgan shrugged, letting the spew of mama info go over his head. "Whatever, JJ's gonna get to the bottom of the Prentiss thing. In the meantime, we've got our own shit to get through."

"But I've already finished all my reports." Reid pointed out gleefully.

"I hate you sometimes, man." Morgan followed the statement by taking one of the files on his desk and hitting Reid on the head with it before getting to work.

"What did I do?" the genius asked aloud.

* * *

Emily glared at the unlit cigarette in her hands. The battle of wills had been going on for the last ten minutes and she knew if something didn't happen, she'd lose.

JJ watched unnoticed from the doorway. What could make Emily Prentiss, as imperturbable as she was, have a silent battle with a smoke and a lighter? She moved to walk towards her but the blare that suddenly rang out from Emily's phone kept her in place.

"Hello?"

There was a pause, Emily's face scrunched up in confusion, "Carrie? Hold on. Slow down, Sweetheart."

JJ's eyes narrowed. Who was she talking to?

To say that Emily was surprised by the phone-call was a vast understatement. "You what?!"

"_I'm sorry," _the voice cried from the phone's speaker,_ "I know I'm springing this on you but I didn't know what else to do!"_

"Carrie, sweetie. Are you saying what I think you're saying? Are you-"

"_I'm in Virginia. At the airport? The Washington National one." _She stopped and laughed hysterically. _"I needed to get away. My aunt said that she'd let me come up if I could raise my grades. I don't think she expected me to graduate a year early."_

"I thought you were just _thinking_ about going to school here!" Emily yelled, panicking. She knew it was probably less than professional that she kept in touch with Carrie Ortiz but she meant what she said to Hotch. Making sure that Carrie was going to be okay was one of the only ways she can still have a grasp on her humanity.

It seemed like she wasn't as okay as she had previously believed though. The slight hysteria in Carrie's voice on the phone indicated the desperation.

"_I can't stay with them anymore!"_ Carrie cried, "_Please, Emily. I need this. You know how hard this has been for me. You know that I tried!" _

"I know, sweetie. I know. You've been doing great."

"_You said if I needed anything, I could go to you_."

Emily knew what that meant. "Did you _tell_ them at least?"

"_I said that you invited me to visit_."

"And what?" Emily started to pace, "You just weren't going to go back?"

A hitch in breath followed by a pause then Carrie whined into the phone. "_I was going to call them_!"

"Are you still at the airport?" Emily asked, pinching the bridge of her nose. At the weepy confirmation, she sighed, "Okay, I'll come and get you. We'll talk about it when we get back to my place."

It was one hell of a coincidence, Emily thought to herself, that she would feel the pangs of lost motherhood on the same day that the kid she had once offered to take in walks back into her life looking for a mother-figure and a place to stay.

"What the hell am I going to do?"

"Em?"

"JJ!" she jumped and raised her hand to her heart, "Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!"

"Now, who knew that little, old me could scare the super-badass FBI agent?" JJ teased.

Despite her inner turmoil, Emily let herself counter with her own quip, knowing that the banter would ease the troubles for a moment, "_Please_… being little doesn't make you any less scary. Just ask Rossi whenever he's late with his case reports."

They shared a laugh before the brunette checked her phone and remembered that she needed to be at the airport soon, "Sorry, JJ. I have to clock out early."

JJ caught on and knew that Emily wouldn't offer up a reason so she clasped the other woman's hand. "You've been off today. Is everything okay, Em?"

Fighting off her body's natural reaction to blush under JJ's gaze, Emily cleared her throat and shook off the grip on her hand, "Ehm no, I'm uh fine. I just have a-an emergency. It's kind of urgent."

JJ frowned at the brush off. "Em? You were talking to yourself."

"I was?" Emily frowned and went to reassure her with a hand on JJ's shoulder. She stopped herself though and took a half-step back instead, "Seriously, Jay. Nothing bad, I just have… family things to deal with."

Then she added more distance even though her heart was pulling her in the opposite direction. It was always maddening to be so close to her without being able to be honest.

"Okay," JJ replied dejectedly, "Can you just… call me later? Let me know when you get home?"

The sentiment added to JJ's warm voice and tender look made Emily blush and she barely managed to maintain the crack in her voice as she mocked saluted, "Yes, ma'am!"

The smile and laugh never really met Emily's eyes. They shared another intense look that neither wanted to break or address before Emily nodded and went ahead back into the BAU to get the rest of her stuff. As she walked away from JJ she couldn't help but think of one of her favourite authors, Neil Gaiman and his epic series, _Sandman_.

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up_."

It took a couple of minutes for JJ to register anything beyond the image of Emily's sad eyes before she walked away. She didn't know what changed in the last couple of minutes but suddenly it felt like their world would be changed forever. Maybe it wasn't just the last couple of minutes, JJ thought, because now it felt like the weight of everything since her pregnancy was hitting her in one moment.

Everything that she had carefully tried to compartmentalize opened up and the oncoming tidal wave of emotional baggage rushed through her and filled her eyes up with tears. Because the sad eyes she saw just now were everyday sights since New York. The comforting touches and glances that JJ got at every tough case have lessened to the point where JJ was going mad looking for them. What was she going to do?

JJ sat down, hands cradling her head. What _could_ she do?

What a mess.

* * *

**Elsewhere…**

Two figures dashed away from an airplane landing strip just out of Virginia. Both were dressed in inconspicuous clothes, baseball caps and sunglasses that masked any facial distinctions from the general populous and made it harder for any cameras to really get a good look at them.

"_This_ is your brilliant idea?" The male of the duo grunted as they hopped a fence to get to the ride their contact in the States had hooked them up with.

The crisp, no-nonsense voice lashed out quickly in response, "Don't give me that, Jack. It's your bloody fault we're in this mess to begin with. You're the one that had to fall head-over-heels with the woman."

"And I told you that _you _didn't have to risk your whole career just to get us both out of Europe, Chase." Jack said, tone losing all fight. He was tired, he was cranky and he had just left the woman he loved in an abandoned bunker. "I already gave up mine."

"Doesn't mean we're not still partners'." The blonde woman retorted, "I had some vacation time anyway."

"I know it's been a while for you but the definition of vacation hasn't changed to 'smuggle your former partner into America along with the woman that he shouldn't have fallen in love with.'"

"Yeah, probably not. But it's gonna be fun."

"You need to work on your definition of fun too." Jack shook his head. "Are you sure you can trust your contact here?"

"Emmy owes me. She can be trusted."

"Are you sure?"

Lillian Chase looked out over the horizon, Washington DC was only a couple hours away but their journey was far from over.

Jack wasn't going to be safe until she could secure forged identities for him and his fiancé. The SIS couldn't do anything for them because of bureaucratic bullshit. Even if they authorized some sort of plan for them, by the time they could get them into witness protection, Jack and Sara would be dead already.

Getting them to America was the only way.

She just needed to get in touch with her old friend, Emily Prentiss.


	2. Saved

**Thank you for the follows and faves, guys! And thanks for giving this fic a chance.

Chapter 2 – Saved

* * *

"_Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs, the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what._" - Anonymous

* * *

Emily hated this place.

Her eyes darted around unintentionally profiling the people around the sky-bar. The chaos of family trips, the secrecy of romantic and scandalizing affairs, the call girls and escorts scoping around the bar, discreetly of course. The airport could truly be one of the seven levels of hell on earth. Add that to a couple of hours stuck in traffic due to a car accident and that made for one hell of a mood and nauseous stomach.

"I bet that sleazy businessman is on the prowl."

Thankfully, the company was pretty damn great. And although she was exhausted, seeing Carrie again, this time making jokes and smiling, made the journey worth it. It made her feel needed, she surmised, not like the BAU wasn't a family but it was the all-consuming work-life. This was more of a breath of fresh air.

Smiling, Emily swivelled in her seat, "And what makes you say that?"

Carrie Ortiz glanced back at the guy she had pointed out and observed, "He had his hands together before putting something in his pocket so I'm guessing he's hiding a ring. If were closer then maybe there'd be a tan line on the finger."

"Not bad." The profiler conceded lightly, not wanting to give too much praise to her young charge.

"He was also checking you out until he saw me."

"Ew." Emily said as her face scrunched up in disgust. "Now, I want to shower. Come on, kid. Check's paid, your belly's full, we need to get home."

"Really?" Carrie asked. The wondrous tone indicated to Emily that the younger girl had half-expected to be sent back to LA.

"Yup." Emily smiled then gripped Carrie's shoulder and gave her a serious look, "And then you need to call your aunt and uncle."

There was never a question in Emily's mind on whether or not to let Carrie crash at her place. She offered a year ago and that never changed. A part of her was worried that this all just temporary like the excuse that her new young charge had given her relatives. Another part of her was terrified that it wasn't temporary at all.

Could she be a mother when she terminated her last chance at being one?

No, she stopped herself from going down that road. It wasn't fair.

She didn't have the means or the state of mind to care for a child. Mother would have covered it up and Emily would have suffered anyways. It was a choice. It was her choice and it was her scar. It made her what she was today but it wouldn't decide her tomorrow. It wouldn't change her decision now.

Emily looked over as Carrie got into the passenger seat and clutched at her phone, "I meant what I said," she reassured her, "As long as you've got the okay from your relatives, you're welcome to stay."

"Thanks."

Emily drove on, the city lights distracting the girl into a contemplative state.

Finally, Carrie chose to break the silence, "You don't think I'm serious, do you?"

There was a slight pause, Emily gripped the steering wheel, coughed a laugh, shook her head and then looked at the girl again. "It's not that I don't think you're serious… right now. It's only been a year-"

"-and nothing's _going _to change! I can't go back to normal because my normal has been totally ripped from me a year ago. My aunt and my mother look so alike that sometimes I forget." Carrie felt the hot tears trickle down, "And it's not the forgetting that gets to you. It's the remembering. Like hitting a brick wall while going a hundred miles an hour."

"You think this life would help? For God's sake, you're only seventeen." Seventeen was far too young to decide this kind of life. Emily didn't remember anything from when she was that age. It was a heavy black eye-lined filled blur. It was Yale that changed everything. It only took her first criminal justice class and she was hooked. Border-lined obsessed. Forensics, psychology, law.

Carrie reddened, "I'm turning eighteen this year! And I got accepted to George Washington University. Full ride scholarship."

"That's great!" Pride welled up in Emily's chest as she tried to direct the conversation towards a happier pace, "You could be the next Jackie O."

"Except I want to be the next John Douglas." Carrie insisted.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you will be the next profiler in the history books," Emily said softly as they pulled into her apartment's parking structure, "But we'll see. The kind of life I live- I've been living… it's not forgiving, it's not compromising. It takes every bit and part of you and spits it out, expecting you to find a way to put it together in time for the next massacre."

"Then it's nothing different from what I've been living for the past year. At least it would have a purpose."

Emily parked the car and turned off the engine, not really knowing what to say or how to fix it. They stared at each other; a silent battle of wills emerging before Emily conceded defeat. Carrie didn't need fixing because the pieces needed to return her to that state were gone. She needed someone to support her and Emily could do that.

As they made their way to Emily's apartment, Emily spoke once more, "It's a long and tough road to get to the BAU, kid, and it doesn't come without strings or scars. Not to mention, you're barely out of high school. The bureau wouldn't even think to look at your resume until your twenty-five and serving a law enforcement agency. You can't say I didn't try to warn you."

Carrie waited until Emily opened the door before engulfing the older woman with a hug, "I won't."

Emily smiled tightly and accepted the hug. She kept her hands on the girl's arms and said in Spanish, "_Alright then, time to tell your auntie."_

"_Talk about tough. You're leaving me to the wolves._"

"_At least she's on the other side of the country."_

"_That wouldn't stop her from tearing me limb from limb."_

"_I'll protect you."_

Carrie eyed the woman in front of her. The one that helped her dig herself out of the hole that Gary and Irving had left behind in their rampage. She came to Emily because she was the only one that understood. She didn't pretend and she didn't run away from any questions that Carrie had. In some ways, Emily was the only adult in her life that could make her feel safe again, without reminding her of how her life used to be. So adhering to her deal with the woman across from her, she took out her phone with one hand, keeping the other hand grasped in Emily's own and dialled her aunt.

"_I know."_ She said meaningfully and then followed in English, "Thank you."

The dial tone ceased as the other line picked up, Emily could hear the frantic chattering in Spanish and she gripped Carrie's hand tighter.

There was an easy trust between them, an almost instantaneous familial bond. Emily knew it from the moment she saw the brave girl volunteer to engage the man that killed her brother in order to catch his partner. Carrie always looked at Emily and Jennifer as if they were the ones that saved her. Emily promised herself that she would do her best to deserve that trust, to take care of this girl that the evils in the world tried to destroy.

She watched as Carrie's tears faded and a smile appeared, the bits of Spanglish filtered in and she knew that Carrie's aunt had relented.

Suddenly she found herself getting her newest charge settled in the guest room. It was something she imagined almost a year ago. She was hit with the memory of their trip back, JJ assuring her that she would be a good mother. Emily remembered the sheer disbelief that was her first reaction and then as she held JJ's gaze, there was something akin to hope. A redemption. For everything she did. The lives that she took. The chances that she missed or passed over. JJ knew. As much as it hurt to think about the blonde that still unknowingly has claim to her heart, the unwavering faith that shone in her eyes that day made this decision the easiest one she's ever made.

"Thanks again, Emily." Carrie said as she observed the view of the Capital from the window.

"It's really not a problem."

"You know, it's people like you that helped me believe there's still good in the world."

The comment stopped Emily short, taking the breath away from her lungs as if she was struck by another two-by-four. By some miracle, she managed to regain some semblance of coherent thought before Carrie could know any better.

"Carrie, when I saw you and how brave you were in the face of all that happened… I thought the same thing about you."

They shared another smile, one more healing then the awkward ones they had first shared when they met up at the airport.

As she made her way back downstairs to order some pizza for herself, having not eaten at the airport bistro where they had met up, Emily stopped and thought to herself that maybe this time around, Carrie would be the one to save her.

* * *

Back at the BAU, JJ had stayed locked up in her office for most of the day, overseeing the many cases that the bureau received. If anyone had stayed there for longer than five minutes would have noticed her eyes always glancing over to her phone. Emily hadn't called or texted even though she promised to do so. She was beginning to get worried.

Alone in the office for so long, she couldn't lie to herself about why she was so distressed. Because now there was a physical distance that accompanied the increasingly agonizing emotional one. Because now she noticed the pieces of their relationship that went missing the day that Will showed up in Miami.

And maybe she missed the glances that Emily would give her when she thought JJ wasn't looking. Or the comforting looks they shared whenever a case got too emotional or gruesome. The way that Emily would unconsciously touch her when she knew that things were getting too close to JJ's heart even though she constantly wore it on her sleeve. Or when the profiler would just _know_ when JJ needed a reassuring hand or hug, just so she'd feel less alone or sad.

How was it that in just two years, Emily Prentiss would make such an impression on her soul without her noticing until now?

No, that wasn't right. She did know, very early on.

That was why she threw herself into that long distance relationship with Will. It was safe. It was comforting and far and totally unrelated to her life at the BAU… with Emily. She walked on the edge of reality and fantasy. She could pretend in her own mind that everything she shared with Emily was just part of that work life because she had Will outside of it. At the same time she could easily put Will outside of her life with Emily because JJ's work life was often times her only life. It was just all too confusing but it was a balance that kept her sane for the better part of a year.

But now she was pregnant and she would never give up her baby. She worried about the ramifications. The balance was tipping and Will needed to be more involved in her life. Emily felt that it meant that she needed to be less involved as well.

And while JJ still struggled with that pull towards Emily, that didn't mean she didn't want the profiler to completely cut herself out of her life.

JJ shook her head and pulled out the ultrasound picture that she had recently got from her appointment. Will had gone back to New Orleans because of some work stuff and she went by herself. She could have asked Penelope or Spence to take her but JJ knew deep down, she wanted to ask Emily. A memory of a conversation they had after one of their cases came back to her. It was a moment when JJ finally got a chance to let herself see a possible future for Emily. With Emily?

"_I think it's a good idea though…" _JJ had told her friend as she observed Emily's disappointment at not being able to take Carrie in.

"_What's that?"_

JJ nodded her head in Emily's direction and then gave a little shrug, _"You… kids… I can see it."_

"_Yeah?"_

Of course she could see it.

Emily was one of the most caring, considerate and warm people she had ever met. She always selflessly put other people's concerns before her own. Always.

Hotch had informed his media liaison about what Strauss tried to do to their team. She knew why Emily tried to resign. It took a little while to be accustomed to the constant awe she felt at the other woman's display of pure altruism.

She would be a wonderful mother.

JJ's train of thought was thankfully put to a halt when her phone chimed its cutesy tone that told her Penelope was calling.

When Penelope had mentioned that she was working late to oversee a boring yet completely necessary cyber security update, the liaison saw this as a chance to get the fix on Emily's whereabouts. Emily had left almost six hours ago and there was still no word. It was wrong and a severe breach in one of her best friend's privacy but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Hey, Pen, did you find her?"

"_Yes_, my petite bundle of sunshine and daisies, according to the traffic and security cams that you unofficially ordered me to dig through, our dear Agent Prentiss has gotten home safely, at around nine this evening."

JJ's shoulders relaxed a little but she still couldn't shake the uneasiness. "Was she alone?"

The question raised Garcia's interest as well as her suspicions and her perfectly plucked eyebrows, "Hon, I know you like to go all Mama Bear on everyone here but this is starting to reach stalker level. Is everything okay?"

"I-" JJ broke off. What the hell was she trying to do? Emily was fine. She had a family thing. She had… Wait, didn't she say her mother was in France for the next year? And the way Emily was talking on the phone, JJ just knew that things were serious. Still, JJ wasn't ready to tell all this to Garcia just yet. "-I'm just really worried about her."

Penelope stopped her "Emily? What on earth could be wrong with our Amazon Princess?"

"I don't _know_." JJ stressed, "That's what we're trying to figure out, Pen."

"Sweetie," the tech analyst stopped her clacking to address her best friend's strange behaviour, "I can't do what you're asking me to do if Emily's not in any danger. Why don't you just call her?"

"I-I can't." The emotions became an unbearable mixture of hormones and heartbreak, "Pen… I don't know what to do."

The borderline hysterical tone was the last straw. Penelope dropped everything and headed straight for JJ's office only to see her bestie in the midst of a breakdown. "Oh, Hon…"

And that's when JJ let the floodgates open. Her eyes were bloodshot already, the normal hue of blue hidden by the rush of tears and the eyelid shields but Penelope saw the hint of red as JJ relayed her turmoil. While Penelope couldn't get the full story, the bits and pieces were more than enough for the techie to put it together.

"So you and our modern-day Xena haven't done the dirty at all?"

"What? No!"

"Honey, you and Em have worn each other's wardrobes for so long that I thought for a second you guys were living together! Melding of closets that signified a silent coming out of them."

"I…" How could she explain it? From the beginning, she supposed. "She brought me hot chocolate."

"What?"

"After the Henkel case, she'd bring me hot chocolate. She never really had to explain why. We had a conversation before that about how chocolate could end wars with the happiness they bring.

I was afraid for a long time and Emily was the only one who made me feel safe. She never said a word about it though whenever I just dropped by her house with movies and a box of pizza or takeout from our favourite Chinese food restaurant. We'd stay up and watch movies or talk or just fall asleep on the couch."

"And…?"

"…and she would bring me hot chocolate."

"That's it?" Garcia repeated in utter confusion. The way that JJ was talking about the Emily situation made it seem like so much more than a couple of girls' night sleepovers.

"She's… easily one of the most caring and selfless people I've ever known and she does these incredibly nice things for people without giving it a second thought. Emily had only known me for a couple of months but she let me stay with her and she made me feel like me again just by her being her." JJ shrugged, "I don't think I realized just how much that meant to me."

"So you guys don't do that anymore?"

"After Miami, no." JJ replied sadly, "Em hasn't really been around at all and I've been occupied by the baby and... well, Will."

"Oh… Sweetie, you know, if you and Emily-"

"-I grew up in a small town, Pen." JJ interjected, her voice filled with the weight of bad memories, "In a small town like East Alleghany, they aren't so forgiving with rumours. And after my sister… I was- I _needed_ to be good. I had to _look_ good and normal and happy. I had to ignore _things_ that I knew would make my family's life harder than it already was. I couldn't be _that kid_ in town, not after Rosaline. I wouldn't have been able to handle it without my big sister." It was all starting to come up now and the tears resurfaced with them, "I _still _can't do this without her."

"Jay," Penelope soothed, rubbing the poor woman's back as she hiccupped and whimpered and snivelled, "Honey, you're not in your hometown anymore. They can't hurt you or your family. Those things you had to ignore, they don't make you bad, they make _you_, you! And you, my dear, sweet, little ray of pure sunshine, are good people."

"I know… but that fear, it's still there. And it's _paralyzing_."

"You thought you were alone back then, Jayje. But you're not alone now."

"I know." She replied.

Penelope eyed her best friend with sympathy and carefully questioned her, "Does Emily make you feel paralyzed? Like it could be wrong?"

JJ's face morphed into an almost angelic smile, "Emily is the first woman that made me feel a little less frozen. Realizing that scared me even more but I don't know if I want to let that go. If I even _can _let her go. The problem is, I think she's already gone."

Penelope Garcia, tech analyst and self-proclaimed Oracle of Quantico, nodded and stood up, "I can't pretend to know what you're going through but you and Emily are two peas in a complicated pod of sexual tension and star-crossed loverisms. I think you should go talk to her. In person." Penelope paused before adding, "With takeout."

"But-"

"But nothing." She cut her little sunshine angel off with a finger shushing motion, "I know those feelings are something you've tried to keep hidden before but you don't have a reason to do that anymore. Plus, you need to figure this out before you have that baby and end up marrying Will out of some sort of twisted obligation and then go continue an illicit affair with Emily on the side that makes her leave the country forever because you are stuck in this sucky, stuck place of suck and scardy-ness."

"What if-"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Garcia tutted, "No what ifs. Ask yourself this, my dear, sweet, lovelorn friend: who do you want, at the end of the day, to come through that door with a big dorky smile and a hot cup of cocoa?"

JJ choked out a laugh and engulfed her best friend in a hug, the question was a no-brainer. "Pen, you're the best."

"I know." And with that she grabbed a Kleenex and proceeded to clean JJ's face. After all, she couldn't very well send JJ off to talk to the possible love of her life looking like she just watched the Titanic five times in a row.

* * *

Virgina Woolf wrote, "_Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends._"

* * *

Outside Emily's apartment, Lillian Chase observed what she could from her binoculars. It wasn't much, Prentiss knew too much of the espionage world to leave her personal world open to surveillance. However, Chase _was _able to pick up on Emily's newest houseguest.

Prentiss always suffered from a bleeding heart for strays.

Chase sighed. She needed to make contact alone. Her superiors can never find out that she contacted a US federal agent for help.

She had Jack go back to get Sara and himself to a hotel room she had booked for them. It was late, Chase felt knackered and all she wanted to do was get this over with.

The only thing that stopped her from making contact with her old friend was the sudden appearance of the blonde woman on Emily Prentiss' doorstep.

* * *

The pain was just too much and she couldn't stand it anymore.

Emily could feel her insides clawing out. If anybody could see her right now, they would worry for their lives.

She was just _so_ hungry.

So when she heard the door knock, she jumped up from the sofa and raced to the front door, ripping it open with the ferocity of a predacious and famished lioness.

She was stopped short though because instead of a pizza box and a nameless Joe with a receipt, there was the permanent tenant of her dreams, the keeper of all of Emily's heart and the person she tried in vein to keep out of her thoughts. It didn't matter now, did it? No matter how much she tried to deny it. There she was. And it made her heart plummet and soar at the same time.

No safety net or super distraction for Emily. It was just _her_ heart on the line. She could do this.

"JJ…"


	3. Tension

**Thanks for the faves, follows and reviews, guys! Here's a short chapter to tide you over while I work out the plots for chapters 7-10.**

Chapter 3 – Tension

* * *

"_Distance not only gives nostalgia, but perspective, and maybe objectivity."_

- Robert Morgan

* * *

Armed with boxes of their favourite Chinese dishes, a Doctor Who series (not season as Emily and Spence had painfully reminded her several times over the years) boxset that she borrowed from Reid and a bottle of the best wine she could find at ten o'clock in the evening, JJ braced herself and knocked.

The door was wrenched opened with such force that it startled the poor blonde. JJ watched as Emily's demeanour changed, surprise and fear, melancholy, swiftly hidden by a small smile, "JJ…"

"Hey,"

"Wh-"

"I thought if I brought some vino and sustenance, you'd have to let me in."

"I-" _You never even have to ask because you're always welcome here_, was what Emily had wanted to say but couldn't get it out. "…wine? But, the baby-"

JJ shuffled past Emily placing the bags of food on the table. She took one plastic bag and grabbed a bottle from there, "Grape juice or sparkling cider for me, don't worry, Em." She manoeuvred around the kitchen with practiced ease and felt right at home while Emily tried not to let the picture of domesticity get engrained in her head. "I just thought maybe we could have a girls' night. Like old times?"

They both winced internally at the thought. 'Old times,' like they were the days that the two women could never get back again. Like everything was going to change between them and the gap would only widen from then on.

The doorbell rang again and Emily nodded, "Sure, Jayje. Just give me a second, I ordered pizza a while ago."

Emily set the pizza down beside the carton boxes of noodles and sweet and sour pork.

"Fusion, then?" JJ said, letting out a grin contagious enough to make them at least momentarily forget the tension that was almost choking them.

"Pizza, wine AND Cantonese Chow Mein? It can't get any better than that." Emily grinned as she got the plates and utensils. Her stomach groaned, echoing her excitement.

"I assure you, Agent Prentiss," JJ teased suggestively as she waved the Doctor Who box-set enticingly, "It gets much better."

"A woman after my own nerdy heart." Emily fought through the pain. She could do it. Just put it in a box and smile. She would ignore the faint whispers that told her that JJ had her heart. This was another cover, another mission, all done to in a vain attempt to recover it.

"Ah, ah!" Making a movement away from the avid nerd, JJ teased and waved a finger, "Eat first, nerd fest later."

Eyes softened at the lightness in her tone. Emily did another mock-salute and with a: "Yes, ma'am," they were able to sit down to eat.

They devoured the feast in front of them with vigour, both women too comfortable with each other and too hungry to worry about any sense of propriety. Emily was so occupied that she didn't realize she ate a piece of pizza that JJ had topped with chilli pepper flakes. "Gah!" She jumped, rushing to the tap to get some water.

"For someone who has travelled all around the world, you sure have a weak palette." JJ laughed at the dramatic spectacle Emily was putting on. It was on purpose, she knew. Like always, Emily had this sixth sense whenever JJ was feeling down and she did everything she could do to give some comfort.

"If you had just warned me you put chilli pepper flakes, then I wouldn't have been caught off guard!" Emily argued.

"Em," JJ started before gesturing to the pizza box, "This is my side of the pie, I was just marking my territory. What were you doing scouting on my side?"

Emily shrugged, "That was the biggest slice."

"Then that's your problem," the blonde woman replied mischievously before taking the slice from Emily's plate.

"Hey!" Emily protested then retaliated by snatching the last piece of sweet and sour chicken.

JJ pouted into her stolen slice of pizza, "Hey!"

"Turnabout is fair play, Jayje."

"Fine."

"Keep taking my food and I won't give you Cheetos."

"What?" JJ perked up immediately, all food in front of her completely forgotten.

Emily chuckled and stood up to retrieve the goods from her junk food cabinet, "You don't think I stopped keeping this in stock, did you?"

What went unsaid was the reason why JJ would think Emily stopped carrying her favourite cheesy snack. It wasn't why Emily stopped though; it was why she kept keeping it in stock. She looked at the taller woman and started chuckling herself.

"What?" Emily asked confusedly.

JJ stood and sauntered up to her, "You have some sweet and sour chicken sauce," she took a few steps more, "right," even closer, "over," finally JJ could feel Emily's breath hitching, "here." And then she grinned coyly and wiped the offending stain with her thumb while seizing the Cheetos bag with her other hand. She ran off before Emily could register what had just happened.

"HEY!" Emily hollered after her, running to catch up, "You're a cheater!"

"Here's a tip for future reference: don't keep Cheetos from a pregnant JJ."

JJ laughed and let Emily catch her, making both them fall on the couch in front of the television. Emily manipulated the fall in order to avoid contact with the baby but that didn't stop the rising panic. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She backed up and looked JJ over for injuries and anger, "Are you okay?"

In response, JJ brought a hand to Emily's cheek, instantly calming the frantic woman down with one touch. "I'm fine, we're fine."

Emily nodded and leaned into the touch, it was so intoxicating. So… dangerous. Her eyes widened and she meant to lean back but was stopped when JJ moved her other hand behind Emily's head, keeping her in place. "Jayje?"

Their eyes were fixed for untold moments and unrealized eternities. Emily felt everything she's been trying to keep locked away surge up to more shallow waters. If she didn't get away from the illusion of promise in JJ's eyes, those feelings would make themselves known regardless of any lock and key.

"Jayje, I…"

This was it, JJ thought. She had no plan, no idea really, of how to approach the scary depths of their connection but it was in danger of being completely destroyed. She would never let that happen. Everything would come out tonight, whether she wanted it or not. As her head gravitated towards Emily's, all of JJ's senses heightened. And maybe it was the fall or the running… or dinner but now all she wanted to do was-

Her hands flew to her mouth in wide-eyed horror.

"Oh God, I think I'm gonna-" she stopped herself, threw Emily off and ran straight to the bathroom. She was still feeling the last bits of morning sickness and they seemed to be brought on more by stress than anything. She moaned into the toilet bowl of shame. This wasn't right. She was supposed to talk to Emily, get all of her feelings out.

She was _not _supposed to let her entire late fusion dinner out instead.

She groaned again but felt a hand gently rubbing her back and the next she knew, her hair was lifted away from her face. "No…" JJ whined, trying to save Emily from witnessing this humiliation, "Go'way!"

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere."

"You really don't wanna be here." Another wave of nausea hit her, "_I_ don't even want to be here."

"Are you forgetting all the times we woke up cuddled on the couch, Jayje? I swear that morning breath of yours can deaden anybody's sense of smell."

"Jerk!" JJ let out a punch but missed and groaned, "Ugh, don't make me laugh."

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Emily said gently as she helped the blonde get to the sink, "I have a spare tooth brush you can have."

Now sitting on the sink counter, JJ felt her stomach settle as Emily gently cleaned her face. It was nice, being taken care of. She was the one that held the group together and although she knew she could count on each and every one of them to do the same for her, Emily was the one who could do it with ease. When she moved, she moved with purpose. Every pat on the leg or hand held did so much more than an entire conversation with someone else. And now, Emily was helping to clean up the remains of JJ's morning sickness.

JJ sighed and started brushing her teeth. If this… whatever it was, was going to happen tonight, she did _not _want to smell like puke.

"I'm going to get you another shirt, you can hop in the shower if you want. I'll make us some hot chocolate later too."

"That sounds really good right now." JJ smiled wistfully.

Emily nodded before stepping out of the room. The overwhelming need to just do everything she can for that woman was unavoidable.

"Emily?"

She jumped at the sound of her name being called and turned to the speaker, "Sorry, Carrie. Did we wake you up?"

Carrie drowsily shook her head, "No, the time zone change just messed with my sleep schedule," she wiped her eyes and then backtracked, "Wait- we?" the edges of her lips upturned in a sly smile, "Late night guest, Miss Prentiss?"

"No!" Emily's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, making Carrie giggle, "Uh Jayje- I mean Agent Jareau is just here to-"

It was then that JJ interrupted by slinking out with just a towel, completely unaware of the company, "Hey, Em?"

"-Jayj….e?" Emily's voice croaked at the sight while Carrie just giggled at the reaction of both women once JJ realized that it wasn't just Emily out there.

"Oh my God!"

"Hey, Agent Jareau!"

"Hey… Carrie. Didn't know you were in town."

Carrie's eyes reflected nothing but mischief, "I can _see_ you guys were busy-"

"It wasn't like that!" Emily yelped, "She- I…" Words failed to form in her mind until finally she blurted, "She's pregnant!"

"Oh, wow!" Her eyes bounced back and forth between the two flustered, older woman, "Why didn't you tell me you guys were expecting?"

Emily reddened and started to sputter before stating, "JJ and I are _not_ together, Carrie. _So_ not together." She broke off in what she hoped would be a believable laugh and then continued, "Just friends, having an overdue girls' night."

"Interrupted by bad morning sickness." JJ finished, ignoring the drop in her stomach that reverberated with every repeated memory of Emily saying the words "not together," with such finality.

The glances Carrie made this time were more suspicious and observant than anything and after she tactfully apologized considering the strained air, "I'm sorry for getting that mixed up, Em. I'm just going to try and relax in my room then."

"You're welcome to join us!" Emily offered hastily, almost desperate for a third party to interrupt the torturous atmosphere when it was just her and JJ.

The offer, however, made JJ wince, a movement only Carrie noticed because Emily's back was facing the blonde.

"Uh, that's okay. I have some emails to write and stuff to work out with my friends back in Denver. They might be doing a DC trip this summer." The younger girl smiled knowingly, "It was nice seeing you again, Agent Jareau."

"Yeah, you too." JJ made sure the teen was safely tucked in her room before she turned on Emily and dragged her back into the bathroom. "Carrie. _ORTIZ?!_"

Emily gulped audibly and she wished it was because of the sight of JJ being clad only in a towel.

* * *

"_It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."_

- Jerome K. Jerome


	4. Talk

**Wow, thank you guys so much for all the love! This chapter is dedicated to the guest reviewer noob, whose kind words inspired me to finish chapter 6 and finally move on to chapter 7 last night. Read & Review folks, it really works to unblock the writer's block!

Chapter 4: Talk

* * *

"_Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow._" ~Dan Rather

* * *

"Carrie. _ORTIZ_?!" JJ exclaimed, her usual calm blue eyes reverberating her anger.

She watched as Emily swallowed nervously but refused to let up on her questioning nor her grip on her friend's shoulders, "Well?"

"I- she-" the usually assertive and composed agent could only sputter before saying, "We kept in touch…?"

"And what?" JJ spat out in disbelief, "You let her come here by herself? What is she even doing here?"

"Jayje, I can explain everything. I was _going_ to explain everything but then…" Emily trailed off, not wholly prepared to have this conversation.

"Then I had to puke, right?"

Emily winced at the tone. It was the 'No matter what you say, you're going to be in hot water' tone that she had heard often from various women in her life. "No! I meant, I got distracted, Jayje. You were here and we had food and fun and I just got distracted."

JJ eyed the brunette with scepticism but she let go and backed away, "Okay, explain this to me."

The gravity of the situation, as well as the location and wardrobe hit the brunette and she was rendered speechless. "Uh…" Emily blushed and looked in every direction but JJ's.

"What?"

"Can we just do this after you finish showering?"

JJ looked down and noticed she was indeed still in her towel, hair wet from her first attempt at showering. She reddened and then mumbled, "…you don't have anymore shampoo."

"Okay, I'll get you some shampoo and then after you shower, we can talk about this." With that Emily gathered her what was left of her wits and left to retrieve the shampoo from the hall closet as well as the extra shirt she had promised previously.

Once the sound of the shower running started again, Emily leaned against the wall and sighed. This wasn't how she'd hoped to tell JJ and deep down, she knew why her friend was so concerned.

Hotch was right when he said that they had to maintain objectivity. They helped out and they left. It was a job. Carrie Ortiz was supposed to be one of the many people they helped bring closure to when they caught the unsubs. But Emily saw something in Carrie's eyes that day when they interrogated Ervin Robes. A need to know how and why. It wasn't that Emily had a hidden agenda. There were no recruiting conspiracies on her end. There was just understanding. That look didn't fade in the year Carrie spent in Los Angeles.

Hell, in a year, Carrie managed to test ahead and graduate early.

So lost in her thoughts, Emily didn't notice her young charge come out of her room and nearly jumped out of her skin when she spoke up.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Agent Jareau. I'm sorry."

"Jesus, kid!" Emily clutched at her heart, "Wear a bell next time, well ya?"

"Sorry," Carrie apologized again, "You were banging your head against the wall. I was starting to get concerned… and a little grossed out."

"Huh?"

"You could have been…" she dragged off before gesturing with her hands nonsensically, "Ya know, _doing _stuff!"

Emily cocked her head, genuinely oblivious to the implications. "Doing what?"

"All I heard was periodic banging noises on the wall. What else would I think you were doing?"

"Oh God, no!" Emily reddened for the umpteenth time that night upon realizing the implication, "Care, I told you we weren't together! She has a boyfriend and a baby on the way. There's no way-" she broke off helplessly.

Carrie winced, "Oh."

"Yeah," Emily sighed, "Oh."

"I'm _really_ sorry, then."

"Why's that?"

Giving a half smile and a shrug, Carrie explained, "Because you must really be hurting right now."

Emily could only stare at Carrie for a good minute before shaking her head and saying; "You're profiling me already. I should tell you now that profiling family and friends is going to get you in a lot of trouble."

The older woman was avoiding the statement but didn't dismiss Carrie's claim, still Carrie had a feeling that she should push a little further, "You should tell her, Emily."

"Tell her what?"

"_Playing dumb doesn't work with me, Agent Prentiss, we both know that we are too smart to play that game." _Carrie had switched to Spanish once she heard the shower turn off.

"_It couldn't hurt to try." _Emily shrugged and looked over to the closed bathroom door, a far off expression written on her face. "_It's too late to tell her anything, Carrie. I don't want to ruin the relationship we have now. She's my best friend." _

Carrie shook her head, switching to English in hopes of emphasizing her point and adding finality to her argument, "The only way it could be too late to tell anyone how you feel about them is if they're dead."

With that she nodded and bade her new guardian good night, leaving Emily wondering who exactly was the grownup in the household.

* * *

After a glorious and much needed shower, JJ felt refreshed and was inspired with new resolve. Penelope sent her here for a reason and she knew that it was necessary. Her heart raced when she remembered the leering gaze Emily had when she realized that JJ was clad in a towel and wet from an incomplete shower.

Although she wasn't quite the profiler that the SSAs were, it doesn't take one to know when somebody is turned on. She smiled with the knowledge that she had that effect on a woman like the unflappable Emily Prentiss.

The mist on the mirror from her hot shower began to clear up and JJ took a moment to look at her reflection. Most mornings she would be in such a rush to get ready and most nights would be a sleep walk through the routine. To an outside party, JJ didn't look pregnant or at least at the stage that she was supposed to be but she could still feel it. Her baby was there and he or she was just waiting to come out into the world. She could feel him or her growing and it amazed and terrified her simultaneously.

It was because of this baby that JJ was here tonight. Because he or she would be born into this world and JJ had the power to shape that environment. She wanted her baby to be brought into a world of love and happiness and truth.

Will couldn't provide that, not in the same way that JJ knew Emily could.

There were other factors but JJ knew Penelope was right. She couldn't go on without knowing and having Emily know as well.

She couldn't live with the "what if" any longer.

Emily had taken shelter in the living room, hoping to shake off the conversation she had had with Carrie before JJ was done showering.

It was one thing having these feelings; it was another thing entirely to convey them, something Emily has had trouble with all her life. A part of that was based on upbringing. Being told to rein in every impulse and desire from the time she was born would harden a person.

Another part was feeling like letting people in would just be a burden on them. With what happened in Rome as well as Matthew's fallout, Emily knew that it was just a matter of time. No matter what she did, the people she cared about would be burdened with the weight of the consequences.

What was it that they said about the road to hell?

"Sorry about the shampoo thing," JJ apologized, plopping on the couch as she dried her hair with her towel and breaking Emily's inner lamentation. "I knew your old place like the back of my hand but this one is much bigger, I had no idea your storage closet was way down the hall."

"Yeah, I know. It takes some getting used to."

JJ stopped mussing up her hair and took a look around. It really wasn't the same. "I miss it, the old place."

"Yeah, I miss it too."

Emily made it a point to never live in the same place for over a year. The good memories with JJ that were created in her last apartment made her reconsider her once ingrained survival routine. Her uprooted upbringing combined with the stress and paranoia from her time at Interpol seemed to dull in the blonde's presence. But those nights didn't last. Not when the weekend sleepovers suddenly occurred less often than before.

As a profiler, Emily couldn't help but notice the signs. JJ had met someone. She deduced early on, followed by the other BAU members, that it was Detective Will LaMontagne Jr. from New Orleans. And suddenly the apartment that held those memories of warmth and home and love, felt so much emptier than before.

She moved out soon after their return from Miami.

"_The only way it could be too late to tell anyone how you feel about them is if they're dead."_

Damn it, Carrie.

"What happened, Em?" That was a loaded question and had JJ not continued, Emily might have had an ulcer, "With Carrie. Was something wrong with her relatives in LA?"

Emily unconsciously glanced in the direction of Carrie's room, knowing that the girl was currently giving them as much privacy as she could. She sighed and shared the story of the young girl that lost everything and the woman connected with her. How she gave Carrie her cell phone number so she can let her know how she's adjusting. How Carrie never really felt like she could adjust. Emily told JJ about their coast-to-coast conversations and the slow evolution from confidant to friend to mentor and family.

Once she was done she waited with baited breath for JJ's reaction, half-expecting a Hotch-like scowl of disappointment from the blonde.

"You're amazing." JJ said at last, unable to keep the feeling of complete and total affection and admiration from her tone.

Emily's jaw dropped, "What?"

"You are constantly saving people, you know that?"

"No, I'm not." Emily argued, fighting down a blush.

"Yes, you _are_!" At her disbelief, JJ continued, "How about work? Because you work way too hard and that's coming from me…" They both chuckled and then JJ grasped Emily's hand with her own, "At first I thought you were just trying to prove yourself but that wasn't it. You want help people. And you don't stop until you know that you've done everything you could and beyond to help them."

Emily started shaking her head again, the way that she does when she doesn't know how to deal with what she's hearing.

JJ's eyebrows furrowed in frustration, "You _saved_ me, Emily. And don't shake your head; you know what you did for me after the Henkel case. You still save me." She smiled warmly and glanced up in the direction of Carrie's room, "And you save her. Everyday. You're here for us whenever we need you and we know that you care because you never stop reminding us with your words and your actions. You put other people's needs before your own and you do anything to make them feel better. _That's_ why you're amazing."

"I…"

Having had enough, JJ got up and embraced Emily, "You're amazing and I never really got a chance to tell you before. Or thank you for everything you've done for me."

Emily pulled back, moving the connection by intertwining their hands, "_Never_ thank me for being your friend, Jayje."

JJ looked down at their hands, still joined. It was now or never. "Emily…"

"Yeah?"

No more running away.

No more "what ifs."

She squeezed Emily's hand for strength before asking the question they had left unanswered for so long. "Why don't you bring hot chocolate to my place anymore?"

Emily's eyes widened and JJ's mind did a mental face palm. Whatever unanswered question she wanted to get out there, hot chocolate was not it.

"Everything has been such… a mess lately and I just- I miss the hot chocolate. And your old place. And the nights when you let me hide from the world there. I'm sorry I didn't notice that before but now it's all I think about. I miss it all."

"Jayje?"

"Please… let me get this out." Once Emily nodded, albeit shakily, JJ continued, "I- I miss you. I miss us."

She felt her heart stutter its beats, trying to catch up to the racing thoughts and the words that were still ringing, "I'm right here, Jayje. I've always been here. You're my best friend."

"It's not the same though and you know it. We don't sleep over each other's places anymore, we don't hang out like we used to. We don't even talk like we did before."

"I-"

"And I just want to say I'm sorry for being the reason why we're pulling away from each other." JJ sniffled, trying to keep "You were there and I took that for granted."

Emily tilted her head, not entirely willing to accept what this could be about. It couldn't be. "JJ… What are you saying?"

"I didn't see it and it was because a part of me was afraid to but I don't want that to hold me back anymore." JJ shuffled closer, "All my life, I thought I could go beyond what anybody expected of me and still settle into what they thought was a 'normal life.' But when Will asked me to marry him, I couldn't say a word. The thought just made me sick. I just couldn't-"

Emily shook her head, every instinct telling her that this couldn't be happening. She wasn't that lucky. She wasn't worthy of this chance. "You're starting a family, Jennifer. You're having a baby."

"Please, Em. Just listen."

"But-"

"-No buts." JJ leaned forward, sealing any vocal protests with a soft and brief kiss, "I've been hiding behind all of the worst case scenarios in my head but I realized that there could be nothing worse than going on and not letting you know how I feel."

Emily didn't want to move. She didn't want to blink. She didn't want to do anything that could possibly wake her up from this moment. She must be dreaming.

JJ continued, "I thought I was scared of a relationship with Will. Of committing because that's what I do and that's what I always did. But what I was really hiding from… _who _I was hiding from… was you."

Emily moved forward, shaking her head and grasping the blonde's hands in her own. "Jayje-"

"Please… Let me finish." Emily nodded, keeping her distance but still keeping their hands entwined. "From the moment we met, you got me, understood me… without even trying." Tears began to well up in their eyes but JJ continued. "Deep down, I understood why we drifted apart. I allowed it to happen. I let you push me to Will because I thought that was how it was supposed to be. And once I found out I was pregnant… I thought I was stuck. Stuck in the life I was supposed to want. But I don't want that. I don't want Will. I want you, Em…"

JJ took a breath but Emily finally moved in and beat her to the punch, "I love you, Jennifer."

This was it, Emily thought to herself. Her breathing became a more and more difficult task when she looked into those eyes that have always seen through her with an ease she never thought was possible with all the walls she had built up. In return, Emily memorized every patterned breath, every crease on her forehead, every stray hair out of place on JJ's head. The seconds after her confession felt like ages and she could do nothing but stand there. Arms held out but never touching JJ, much to the blonde's dismay.

It wasn't just the moments that played out in front of them that night. No, it was JJ's never-ending obsession with those damn cheetos. It was the way her shoulders would slump in relief after she gave a press release. When JJ would dance around her old living room in triumph after trouncing her in one of their dangerously competitive games of Scrabble. It was the enormity in seeing a rare half smile in the midst of a case; the enthrallment in the blinding beam when JJ would grin, wide-eyed in amusement and joy.

It was all the moments they shared that played through her head and it all disappeared when JJ finally lost her patience, clutching Emily's head with both her hands and pulling her in close so her lips would collide with her own. Gasps and moans littered the air, both women so lost in the pent up emotions just now released.

The sharp shrill of JJ's phone ringing broke the intimate atmosphere and both women jerked away and cursed at the interruption before JJ got up to take it.

The interruption served to restart Emily's normal breathing functions, which were lost somewhere between hot chocolate and the kiss. The tingle from their kiss reverberated throughout her body. Her heart was going freestyle, veering off it's regulated pattering. She was breathless, flying and falling then flying again.

JJ felt the same way. She lov-

She looked over at JJ, who had walked over to the kitchen and was now pacing angrily while talking in hushed but furious whispers. The blonde hung up and threw the phone across the room.

"Jayje?" Emily ignored the eddy of duelling emotions that was bubbling underneath the trembling in her entire being. As always JJ came first. Not that Emily would have it any other way.

The woman in question came into view, slowly as if walking in a funeral march.

"JJ? What happened?" Emily rushed to her side, the vacant expression betrayed nothing in the blue pools of her eyes, which only served to make the profiler more worried. "Jen?"

The pools overflowed then, tears coming down in streams, "Will… They- He's not leaving New Orleans."

Before Emily could even process what she said, JJ was in her arms bawling. Leading them over to the couch to sit down, Emily just let the blonde cry, whispering words of comfort and soothing her with her touch.

Will wasn't moving to Washington.

What was going to happen now?

In between sobs, JJ hiccupped and whispered, "What am _I_ going to do?"

Emily shook her head and pulled her closer, fearing the answer to that question more than anything.

* * *

"_Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change."_

- Mary Shelley


	5. Fight Flight

**I know a lot of you are confused about JJ's actions in the last chapter but I'd like to remind you guys that JJ's pregnant and she didn't think everything through. Also this fic is called _Fight, Flight and Love, _so obviously it's not going to be that easy (insert evil laugh here).**

Chapter 5 – Fight/Flight

* * *

"_We all flee in hope of finding some ground of security_"

― M.T. Anderson, The Kingdom on the Waves

* * *

As soon as she had gone away for school, JJ's parents moved from their white picket fence house in the small town of East Allegheny to a smaller condo in Pittsburgh. The shadow of their eldest daughter still haunted them and without the presence of their other children, the space that she'd left behind was just too great.

Even then, the stress was too much for Jerry Jareau. He had passed away a year into JJ's training at Quantico. Even with losing both her husband and her daughter, Sandy survived. Going back to school while Jerry was sick and getting a business degree in order to live her life comfortably today, co-owning a modest café in Pittsburgh with her best friend.

JJ didn't know any another woman as strong as Sandy Jareau and right now she needed that strength.

Taking a deep breath and clutching the cup of hot chocolate in her hand, she gave a tentative knock on the door of her mom's condo.

"Jennifer?"

"Hi, Mom."

* * *

JJ and Emily had fallen asleep on the couch, tears staining both shirts. When Emily woke up cuddled to nothing but cold blankets, she knew that the blonde had left hours earlier and the paradoxical feelings of relief and dread loomed once more. It was a dream right? JJ couldn't have said all those things. And if she did why did she run away?

Emily sighed, sometimes having a life here felt more difficult to deal with than her days with Interpol. She almost wished for a distraction or a case to whisk her away but realized that JJ would be there anyways.

"Hey, Sleepyhead."

"Carrie!" Emily straightened up. She should have been awake before the kid. That's not how parental figures were supposed to act. "I'm so sorry, have you been up long?"

"It's cool, Em." Carrie waved it off, "JJ made us breakfast before she left a couple of hours ago."

"She did?"

"Yeah, there's a note for you under your plate." The teen winked impishly, "I saw you guys cuddling in the middle of the night… Take my advice?"

"No." Emily stated bluntly, "She did."

She did a double take in response, "Come again?"

"She said everything I wanted to say. She said it first. Then…" Emily broke off, still trying to process the events.

"And then…?"

"And then the father of her baby called her with news that he won't be moving to Washington."

Carrie cheered until she saw the melancholy reflected on Emily's face. "Isn't that a good thing? It means no competition… right?"

"What if she moves to New Orleans?"

Scoffing, Carrie shook her head. "And I thought LA was dramatic. I think I just moved in on the Bureau's version of the Young and the Restless."

Emily snorted into her cup of coffee, "Tell me about it."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'll let you know when I figure that out."

Carrie patted Emily's arm and then excused herself to prepare for the day. She had promised to call her aunt again in order to work out the rest of the arrangements and provided there wasn't a case, Emily had a couple of days off to help Carrie settle in.

Left alone to her thoughts and her breakfast, Emily's eyes drifted to the note that JJ had written.

_Em,_

_Thanks for being there for me. I'm going to Mom's place for a bit to figure some things out. Please don't think this changes how I feel about you but it's not just me that I have to think about._

_JJ _

In Emily's mind, there were only worst-case scenarios and worse-than-the-worst-case scenarios. Of course JJ had to think about her baby. JJ would choose the stability of family; something that Emily didn't consider was a possibility in her own life. The brief flicker of hope dashed with a million and one doubts and realistic catches.

This wasn't about them, it was about the baby.

Put it in a box, Prentiss.

With a quick text to JJ saying "I'm here if you need me," Emily set out to get ready to take Carrie out to shop for her room.

Just put it all in that box.

* * *

"You've got to take better care of yourself, dear. You look like hell. And when are you going on maternity leave?" Sandy fussed over her baby girl, immediately getting her to sit down on the sofa so she could get her a drink. "I refuse to let my grandbaby be born in that stuffy BAU office or that godforsaken jet."

"Mom…"

"Oh honey, you know I just worry about you." The elder Jareau woman took a seat next to her daughter and patted her leg.

"I know." JJ shifted, eyes averting, the action catching her mother's attention almost immediately.

Sandy looked her in the eyes and asked, "Jennifer, what's wrong?"

Before JJ could stop herself, she was already mumbling, "Nothin', Mom."

"Jennifer Jareau. I may not be on your fancy FBI team but I can assure you that there is no better profiler than a mother. Now tell me, what is going on."

JJ sighed, "Will's not moving to DC, Ma."

"What?" The shock that

"He got a promotion, a pay raise and everything. They really want to keep him there. His aunt's been hospitalized recently too so… he's staying in New Orleans."

"And?"

"And he wants me to move there."

Sandy's eyes snapped up and she slammed her cup down on the table. "Like hell!"

"Mom!" JJ yelped in response to her mom's raised voice.

"You've got a mother here _too_ and I already got one child living on the other side of the coast."

"I know, Ma. But…" she cradled her belly, "I have someone else to think about too."

Sandy eyed her daughter, trying to find something in those eyes that were almost complete replicas of Jerry's and Rosaline. "It might be selfish to ask you to stay for me but tell me one thing, Jennifer: do you _want_ to move to New Orleans?"

The response was automatic, JJ's eyes widened and she replied without hesitating, "No!"

"Then you have your answer."

"No, it's not that simple…"

"Then explain it to me, dear. Because I did not raise a woman that can't stand on her own two feet. We're Jareau women. And if you don't love William enough to make this move then you need to accept that it is just that simple."

If ever there was a time JJ wished she could drink alcohol, now would be it. She took a breath, the yet-to-be-shed tears creating the glossy sheen over her blue eyes, "Mom… there's something I need to tell you."

* * *

"I can't believe you took in a young charge… a protégé!" Penelope said whimsically as she swarmed around Emily, hovering over one shoulder before zipping to the other while keeping the shuffling pace that her tight skirt and varicolored heels limited her to. They were following Carrie as she browsed the home décor boutique.

"I'm not Batman, Garcia. Carrie just needed a place to stay while in college."

"But you guys have a bond. It's a bond that cannot be broken but only flourished through the years as mentor and mentee learn from each other. You can teach her everything you know and train the next Amazon Princess of Profiling and she can teach you to have fun and be a kid."

"Penelope. I asked you to meet us here so we can help fix up Carrie's room not to turn my life into a sick comic book fantasy." Emily said before frowning, "And I _know_ how to have fun."

"Fine. I'll save the desire to dress you up in leather outfits for JJ. By the way, how'd things go with you and our resident Pocketful of Sunshine?"

Emily groaned, "Why am I _not _surprised that you went there."

"Ooooh so something did happen?"

"No!" Emily said immediately then internally groaned. That was a sign of lying that even someone that wasn't a profiler could catch. Thankfully, her phone started ringing before Penelope could interrogate her anymore.

"Emily Prentiss, don't you dare take that phone call in the middle of my obligatory gossip grilling!"

"Sorry, Garcia!" Emily smiled smugly as she backed away to answer her phone, "Prentiss."

"Long time no see, Ems." The crisp and husky voice filtered through, the British accent giving it away completely. Emily froze upon recognizing it.

"What do you want, Chase?" If she was calling, there was no time for pleasantries. Whatever she wanted was urgent.

"I can't give you the details on the phone," Of course she couldn't, "Meet me at the firing range tonight."

"Chase? What's going on?"

"Please, I need your help."

The click registered, leaving Emily standing there with the phone still at her ear, shock not quite registering just yet.

Lillian Chase.

That was a name she hasn't heard in almost 3 years. They'd known each other long before then though. Both of their mothers were ambassadors for their respective countries in they were both stationed in many of the same Middle Eastern countries. They seemed cut from the same fold. Rebellious pre-teen girls with a penchant for making trouble and hating their mothers, theirs was a friendship for the ages, until Elizabeth Prentiss took notice and made plans to transfer to Rome.

Neither girl was the sentimental type even then and other than a few letters over the years, they didn't meet again until Emily was assigned overseas to work with Interpol and the SIS for a consultant case in profiling a drug trafficking lord turned serial killer.

That mission put her on the map as a profiler for their agencies and reunited her with her long lost friend. They had kept in touch before and after her time as Lauren Reynolds.

After the JTF-12 and Valhalla fallout, Emily knew she owed Chase big. She asked for a lot just to be able to breath a little easier when she was back living on U.S. soil. The ominous phone call told her that Chase didn't forget that either. There was always a price.

And she wanted to meet at the firing range. Emily groaned at the thought.

"Emily?"

Emily jumped. "Penelope!" she exclaimed, putting a hand over her heart, "You startled me."

"Sorry!" Penelope apologized, "Is everything okay? Was that JJ?"

"No." Emily glared at her phone, as if she didn't have enough problems already.

"You have your game face on. Did Hotch call with a case?"

"No, it's uh a personal case that I have to take. I gotta go."

Penelope frowned and motioned to the other aisle, "What about Carrie?"

Shit. "Do you mind keeping an eye on Carrie for me?" Emily took out her family's credit card, "Just put everything on the card and uh, stay at my place tonight. Please?"

Penelope narrowed her eyes, "Stay at your place? Honey, what kind of case are you taking?"

"Pen, I really need to get going. Tell Carrie that I'm sorry and that I had work to do."

The serious expression that Emily had on her face made Penelope back down, "Will do. What if JJ comes by again?"

"Tell her that I'll talk to her soon."

Penelope's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you sure you're not just running away, Emily?"

"I wouldn't be lying if I thought the call was convenient but no. It doesn't matter anyways, she ran away first."

"Oh, Em." She gave the taller woman a hug, "JJ will come around. She's too head over heels to do anything else."

Emily nodded half-heartedly before putting on her coat.

* * *

"So you told that poor girl you had feelings for her and she kissed you, which I'm assuming you liked then after Will called you cried yourself to sleep in her arms only to leave in the morning without telling her?"

"I made her breakfast... and left a note." JJ added meekly in her poor defense.

"Jennifer Ann Jareau."

JJ winced. All three names. "I know," she insisted pitifully.

"No, you don't. If you did, you wouldn't be here. I raised you better than that."

"What do I do?" the younger Jareau woman groaned but her mother wouldn't have it.

Sandy held her daughter's chin in her hand, forcing her to look in her eyes. "Decide what you want. _Who _you want. And don't waste anymore time. You and I both know, better than anyone, that time is too short to waste it on silly things like fear."

"I don't even know what I'm afraid of."

"You're afraid of change, honey. We all are at some point. And this change affects more than just you and Emily."

"I wish- I wish Will didn't have to be hurt in the process."

"It would hurt you more to say nothing, Jennifer. And forgive me for being selfish, but your happiness means everything to me. To Will and Emily too, I'd bet. Don't let fear hurt the one person in your life you don't ever want to hurt."

The younger Jareau woman looked up to meet her mom's eyes once more before smiling. It was tentative at first but grew more confident as she took her mother's words to heart.

Dad and Rosaline. It hurt to lose them and the hurt never really went away but instead of debilitating JJ, both tragedies in her life served to inspire her to live for them. And while she was okay most of the time, sometimes JJ needed her mom to remind her in those moments she wasn't okay.

"So, you're okay with me… and Emily?"

"Is that what you were worried about?" Sandy asked in bewilderment. "Oh Honey, your dad and I have known since you were in fourth grade!"

JJ choked out a laugh. Of course they knew. But before she could fully process everything, her mother began to push her out the door.

"We'll talk later, dear. You need to go get your woman and you've got a five hour drive to think about how you're going to apologize and make it up to her."

"Mom!"

* * *

_The Big Hunt Pub_

Emily had never once been to the Big Hunt Pub in her years back in DC and as soon as she stepped into the establishment, she could see why. Far from the local bar her BAU teammates would frequent, the Big Hunt Pub was much more of a spectacle than a good old-fashioned pub. Lined with various animal heads displayed, tactlessly on the wall with prized rifles in between, the pub looked like a 3D dedication to Gaston and Elmer Fudd.

"Thought you'd never get here, Prentiss. Being back in the States make you lose your touch?"

"Bet you'd love to find out all about my touch, Chase." Emily countered with a smirk, recovering some of the bite she had had in the days she spent running with the SIS agent beside her, "The firing range? Really?"

"You Americans have a creative license on what you call a pub." Chase began nonchalantly, incensing the profiler as she passed along a shot of scotch, "Thought maybe we could have a nice stiff one before we get down to business. After all, the only good shots we fired together were at the Green Island Pub back in London."

Emily checked her watch, "I don't have time."

"I _know_. Adopting a teenager of all things. It's a bit much for someone like you to take on, yeah?" Chase wasn't being purposefully accusing. She was genuinely curious.

"Nothing's ever a secret with you guys, is it?" Emily asked wryly.

"So says the profiler."

"Touché," Emily conceded and then furrowed her brow, "Hey… what did you mean someone like me?"

"We're the wanderers, Em." The blonde agent motioned, a bit tipsily as she waved her hands in the air; "We swoop in and save the day, then flitter away before it gets to us. Good or bad. We don't make roots. That's why most of our relationships end up in disasters and why we choose the messed up jobs with the high-risks and everythin'."

The weight of the conversation proved too much to bear without the liquid courage of the glass of Scotch cradled in her hands. Emily took a sip and breathed out, "We _are _emotional fuck-ups, aren't we?"

Lillian chuckled and then raised her glass, "I'll drink to that. Hey, at least your stray's practically all grown-up. No chance of fucking that up like our mums did with us, yeah?"

An image of JJ and her beautiful unborn baby flashed in Emily's mind and she downed the rest of her drink, "Yeah."

They sat there for a bit, enjoying the silence of drinking at a pub at three in the afternoon with no games or matches on the television.

The silence grew too long, and in a motion that screamed 'fuck-it all,' Lillian downed the rest of her drink, placed a bag on the table and slide it in front of Emily, "You still friends with your forger?"

Emily eyed the bag before nodding carefully. On reflex she surveyed the room again, making sure no one was in hearing range, "Bill? Yeah. Haven't talked to him since we got Declan out but he's still in the city."

"So the kid's doing good then?"

"Yeah. Tommy says that he loves it here. Really adapted well and he's starting boarding school next year while Tom's working overseas again. He's safe."

"Good, he deserves the life you risked everything for him to have."

The wistfulness in Chase's voice gave it away and Emily knew what this whole thing was about. "Is that what you're doing? Fighting for someone to have the life they deserve?"

"What makes you say that?" Chase asked, defensively Emily noted. She knew her old friend had underestimated her once but she wasn't scouted by Interpol, the CIA and the FBI for her awesome Scrabble skills.

"Why else would you come to me for help? With all the contacts you have-"

"You're the only one I can call friend." Chase interjected, "And I don't have a lot of those since I took this vacation."

Emily balked, "You're on vacation? _You_? Well, if the whole mysterious and ominous phone call followed by the seemingly subtle questions about Declan and Bill didn't set me off, the vacation thing would have. Do you even know the meaning of vacation?"

"Is it surprising that you're not the first person to ask me that?"

"Not at all," the brunette replied dryly, "Am I really your only friend? That's kind of sad, Lils."

"Shut it."

Emily laughed, a genuine and hearty sound that she didn't think she could make seeing the circumstances. A mysterious mission set out by an old friend and current agent of the SIS. It was like old times and as much as she'd like to say that she had missed nothing from her time with Interpol and working undercover, she did miss Lillian Chase. Putting up so many walls over the years, it was nice to be around someone who was there to see who she was before she put them up in the first place.

A sharp wolf whistle broke had cut their heart-to-heart and they turned to see that the only two other patrons at the bar had finally drank enough alcohol to approach them. The alpha male of the two, in both size and attitude, was grinning lecherously while the other couldn't look away from the floor.

"Well, lookee here, Richie."

Both agents shared an exasperated glance and rolled their eyes at the familiar scene that would play out.

"You ladies looking for some company?"

"Not in this lifetime, mate." Lillian snorted into her newly refilled glass.

Emily chose to stay silent, waiting for signs of any more trouble. The ghastly stench of alcohol still exceedingly pungent as the men in front of them smiled lewdly, told her that she needed to be vigilant. She kept a hand close to her badge.

Unfortunately the alpha drunkard's unwanted hand on her thigh was enough reason for Lillian Chase to act. Twisting the hand over violently and making the owner of it yelp as he was sent staggering right into his quieter friend, Richie.

"Denny, you alright?"

"Get offa me, ya useless pussy!" The alpha, Denny, pushed his friend out of the way and cradled his right hand for a few moments before rushing back at Lillian.

"BITCH!" he yelled as he threw his left fist forward.

Acting quickly, Emily darted in front of the drunken attacker, placing herself there intentionally so Lillian wouldn't get the chance to act on it herself. If she got involved in anything concerning the law, Chase's superiors could catch on to where she was and because Chase said she was on vacation, Emily had a hunch that whatever she was up to was completely unsanctioned by the SIS. There was no doubt that Chase could handle a simple drunken lecher, Emily merely wanted to make certain there would be no backlash from across the pond.

She let Denny's punch make contact with her face but moved with the momentum to lessen the damage. Stepping back with the punch she brought her free hand to catch the left hand as it went away from her face and bent it much the same way that Lillian had with his other hand. This time, however, Emily used the twisted hand to lead him over the bar counter top, with the hand pressed on his back.

"AAARGH!"

"This how you want to play it, tough guy?" she leaned over to whisper in his ear tauntingly. "I bet you love doing this to other women, huh? Wait 'til they get nice and drunk before you bend them over, with or without their permission."

"God damn bitch!" Denny mumbled into the countertop.

From the corner of her eye, she can see the timid drunk garner enough courage to approach her in defense of his friend. "Ah, ah," she warned him, getting her badge from her pocket, "That's FBI Special Supervisory Agent God-Damn Bitch to you."

Lillian chuckled, "I suggest you chumps walk away before we haul you in for assaulting a federal agent, yeah?"

Grudgingly, Denny nodded and Emily let him go with a rough push. Richie came up and the two men stumbled out of the bar. Lillian waved down the bartender to serve up more drinks and some ice, giving him extra tip in apology for the disturbance.

Sitting back down, Emily grumbled and placed the nice cold glass up to her eye.

"Damn, I didn't think he got you that bad."

"He didn't, I just bruise like a peach, remember?" She winced as Lillian inspected the damage, "You're welcome, by the way."

"Whatever, I could have taken him."

"You could have hospitalized him."

"Same difference, luv." Lillian teased before soberly adding, "Thanks, Em. For having my back."

"S'what friends are for." She mumbled in response. Downing her third shot of Scotch, Emily tried to sit up but was pulled back to her seat by Lillian.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I thought I'd go try and get in touch with Bill before it gets too late."

"No."

"No?" Emily asked, brow raised. "Wasn't that the whole point of me meeting you here in the first place?"

"God no! I got you here so we could catch up! The rest could wait until morning."

"But-"

"No buts, my dear. Just you, me and a bottle of Scotch with our names on it. Besides, I want to hear all about the lass who's got your knickers in a twist."

"Who says there's a woman?"

"Please, your poker face could never hide a broken heart. You were just too busy doing the heartbreaking when we were kids." Lillian grinned and pushed a glass towards her.

Emily groaned. Who needs Atlantic City or Vegas when you have a friend like Lillian Chase?

She eyed the bottle that Lillian coerced the bartender into giving them with wary.

It was going to be a long night, she thought checking her phone for the time.

Dear God, it was only four in the afternoon.

JJ hadn't texted her at all either.

Emily took the bottle and drank straight from there, forgoing any glass and making her friend smirk. Damn you, Lillian Chase.

This was going to hurt in the morning.

* * *

"_You get hit the hardest when trying to run or hide from a problem_."

- Criss Jami

* * *

Next chapter: Drunk Emily and a sleepover!


End file.
